The fastest bloke I ever knew to tie a bowline was a fermer's loon I first met when we climbed Stuc a Chroin together one wet December afternoon. Chalky White, for such was his name, would fold his leg back so that the calf touched the back of his thigh, throw a line around the limb thus doubled, flick his wrist and a perfectly formed bowline would slide off his knee in three seconds flat. Every time. The only problem was that every bowline was the same size. It met his needs perfectly (this was something abtruse to do with baling hay) but it was no use at all for climbing or sailing. Believe me, you don't want to tie your doubled up leg to the clew of a foresail in a rising gale.
So he could do it with binder twine, but away from his farm it was completely useless.
In North Wales there is a type of traditional sailing craft with the rather unfortunate name of a Nobby. I once sailed out of Conwy on one of these Nobbies, and the owner of the boat was bemused at the slow and meticulous way I tied my knots. He too had a fast method of making a bowline with some rapid flicks of his wrist, but at least he did not need the assistance of his right leg. He showed me how to do this but I've long since forgotten and have reverted to incantations of up the rabbit hole, round the tree and back down the hole again. He did show me a fast way of making a figure of eight knot and this is still how I do it now.
There seems to be a never ending line of people prepared to scoff at the time I take to tie knots and they are always keen to show me a more rapid method. Not that I'm any slouch at this you understand. Everything is relative. But there always seems to be a relatively faster way.
Even the standard old sailing knots themselves come in for criticism. My son, who is a climbing instructor, constantly regards my hoary old knots with wry amusement. He taught me how to tie the Australian Bugaboo knot, but I'm almost ashamed to admit that I have forgotten it. Never let him onto your boat or he will re-rig it in a trice, so as to make it "safe". When I finally get round to buying my own boat, he will be useful for climbing the mast.
You get these skippers who become obssesive about their way being the right way. "On my boat you should never tie on the fenders with a round turn and two half hitches - always use a clove hitch". Then the next boat you go on, this becomes "Never use a clove hitch to tie on a fender - that's how they get lost"
When you place a warp round a pontoon cleat someone will yell "Always, ALWAYS put a final locking turn before you walk away!" The next skipper shouts "Never, never, NEVER put a locking turn on a cleat!"
You will not win.
On reflection I think this is insecurity. Skippers who are secure in themselves don't really care about this stuff. "Just tie it on so it won't fall off". All of the worst skippers I've encountered have an exact precise sort of knot to deploy for every permutation of circumstance and there are no alternative options which will be countenanced. What marks them out is not so much that they have a mental list of knots matched to tasks but it is rather the insistence that only their way is the correct way. Knots are thus a performance indicator of an inflexible skipper.
I hear you ask - "What do you do when you are skippering?" Well.......I let you tie your own knots "so long as it's tied on and won't fall off". Then, later, when you are not looking, I re-tie it properly.
My way.
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